Love

Xander became very upset when he spilled his water cup on the floor last night and today at lunch. Our conversation afterward was eye-opening for me. I told him it was okay, it was just an accident.

He said, "No, it wasn't an accident. When somebody else does it it is an accident, not when I do it."

I asked if he was very disappointed in himself for spilling the water. He said yes. We talked about ways he could avoid doing it next time. He went to put on dry clothes, crying and wailing, and I asked him to stop crying before he came back out to the dining room. He said he couldn't, and he needed my help. When I came in to help, I offered several different suggestions. None of them would help.

I asked, "How can I help you?"

Xander said, "There's nothing you can do to cheer up."

I asked him what was the happiest thing he knew. He thought about it for a while and said, "I can't remember."

I asked him what made him feel happy. Did school make him happy? He nodded yes. Did his toys make him happy? Head shake. "Toys can't make you happy."

Did loving Mom and Dad and Nick make him happy? A nod. Did Mom and Dad and Nick loving him make him happy? A nod.

But then we had to have a conversation about why Nick laughs at him even when something is not funny or silly. I reassured him that Nick thinks he's the greatest, not just the silliest.

I came out of that room thinking he had said some pretty profound things. Then, of course, he came out cheerfully saying, "Mom, I don't love you today."

Okay.