Discomfort

The Higher Up and Further In Charlotte Mason curriculum calls for children to be able to choose the poems they memorize, and to some extent the songs they learn and art works they study. (The songs and art works are chosen by the teacher, but they are chosen with careful thought for what the children might like best, at least to start. The poetry books are chosen by the teacher, again with thought for what the children will like, but the particular poems memorized can be chosen by the children themselves.)

Over my six years of experience with our oldest child, I have learned that the key with him is to try again. I don't absolutely force him to do very many things (usually, I force only when it's an issue of safety or of kindness to others or a strict rule), but if I carefully try things multiple times, we get past the initial resistance. Often, he resists something at first, only to like it later.

Case in point today was a folk song. He loves "Scarborough Fair" (the Simon and Garfunkel version). Today, I played "A Man's A Man for A' That," and he said he hated it and he couldn't understand it. I found a different version on Youtube that was a little quieter, more harmonic, and used a less thick accent. I said I just wanted to finish listening to it and then he could listen to "Scarborough Fair" again. I sang along to it, because I really like the song. At the end, he said he did like it after all.

There are also true preferences that he has. Erik and I don't insist on our way when he has true, reasonable preferences. For example, he is a good eater of salad, cooked greens, peas, green beans, potatoes, raw carrots, celery sticks, and many other vegetables. We don't usually make him eat mushrooms, black olives, peppers, or non-green beans because he truly dislikes them. Even if I put them in a dinner dish, we don't force him to finish one of those particular foods. It's strange, though: he used to gobble up mushrooms, black olives, and black beans like there was no tomorrow when he was a toddler.

After playing "Scarborough Fair" again, I had him listen to Simon and Garfunkel singing "Bridge Over Troubled Water" because I thought he might like it. He did not. I won't push the issue. At this point, I wouldn't discount his liking it in the future, but I also would not care or push if he kept disliking it.

Sometimes we just have to push past discomfort. He had slight discomfort thinking about going to the art museum a couple of weeks ago. He also felt uncomfortable going through the Renaissance section of the museum. He did, however, discover a modern piece that he liked and he had a nice time there.

Another example of pushing through discomfort: Nick is in the phase (that Xander also went through) that he would like to reject most vegetables. He has gone from not picky at all to not wanting to eat vegetables. We are making sure he eats everything on his small-portioned plate before he leaves the table, even though he looks uncomfortable with the taste of the vegetables. He now eats a sensible dinner. (Hallelujah!) It's not as painful as he thought it would be, and if this goes the way it went with Xander, he will soon discover which vegetables he really likes eating. Later, when he has found his true likes and dislikes, we won't force him to eat the vegetables he truly dislikes.