Thursday, October 24, 2013

5 Ways Being a Runner Will Help You in the Zombie Apocalypse

All of you runners out there, I think you're going to have a pretty good chance when the zombie crisis arrives. Here are my top 5 reasons why:

1. Injuries

Anyone who has run for a length of time can attest to the fact that runners often continue running on minor troubles, twitches, aches, pains, ailments, and injuries. This will help them carry on when their zombie-bitten ankle has to be amputated.

2. Grossness Tolerance

Maybe the less said about this the better, but any experienced competitive runner knows that, when you're pushing your body to the limits, gross bodily things can happen. In the middle of races. And you don't stop.

You don't stare, either, when it happens to someone else. It's part of running life, in the long distances. Time is not wasted on shock or horror.

This will obviously come in handy amidst the gore and grime of a postapocalyptic society. You will remain alert while other poor sods are shell-shocked.

3. Endurance

This one falls in the "duh" category. But when the zombies show up, it will definitely come in handy to feel no fatigue after a mile or two of steady running (away). The highway traffic pile-ups and lack of gasoline won't really bother you. 40 miles to Atlanta? That's only slightly more than two days' worth of long runs.

4. The Smell

Mayhem is going to smell bad. Rotting is going to smell bad.

No big deal. Have you smelled your favorite running shoes lately? Yeah, that's a good approximation. You can even practice for the apocalypse. Put your face near your shoes (best if it's after a particularly rainy run) and breathe deeply, once a week or so.

5. Food Storage

In your pantry, you may have stocked an assortment of energy foods and drinks. Chances are, you have at least one once-upon-a-trend substance that now sits on a shelf, unused. Protein powder? Gu? Gatorade in a powder or liquid form? Whey? Chia seeds? Hey, super good news! You can use all of those up when the food runs out! They're pretty much nonperishable and they will give you zombie-outlasting energy.

If you have not taken up running yet, you might want to consider...


  1. Love it! I read this while (finally) watching the 2nd DVD of the first season of The Walking Dead. Did you know they film a lot of this in Newnan where we used to live? Today, in fact, they're filming there! If my shin splints would magically disappear I'd be in a lot better shape to outrun the undead.

  2. Ha! For some reason, Emily, it doesn't surprise me that they film a lot in Newnan. :) Better stock up on bulk ibuprofen for those shin splints! ;)

  3. I love this even though I don't run. I do have some chia seeds in my cabinet though ;)

  4. Jean, there ya go! You're pretty well set. :)

  5. You runners aren't the only one who remain solidly unshellshocked. Have you ever gotten mugged in Madrid? And found yourself, without hesitation or thought, running as fast as you can after the mugger while yelling at the top of your lungs? This might come in handy with zombies, too. I'll see you in Atlanta.